I never was quite sure what I was supposed to do with my life. I'm still not completely sure. This last year has changed everything in my life and I didn't even see it coming. I made some decisions last year that I wasn't quite sure about, but I'm beginning to see the pieces unfold and it's crazy. There's no turning back now, I'm already in. I'm starting to see that I am where I need to be now, it may not be as comfortable as it was before but I know in the end God will make a way and I will be just fine. I'm definitely going to need all the prayers and support for this one though. Time for my trials and tribulations....

Gosh, I think I've actually started living life. It's hard : (
It's my first year away from home, my first time feeling love in a long time, my first time not being able to find a freakin job. And apparently, according to Michelle, if my life was a movie it would be top hit chick flick. Not exactly the life I wanted, but I'm dealing with the cards I've been dealt.
Tuesday night Rich came over and stayed the night and that completely strengthened the emotional bond between us. I wouldn't allow it to go all the way though for good reasons, he decided he still wanted to stay. So we laid in bed staring at the ceiling and I knew the questions were coming. He pried to get me to tell him I loved again, and I did. He wanted to know what love was. He ended up telling me about his great grandma and how she's really sick and how he watched his great grandfather do everything he can to keep her alive (him being older than her in his 90s). He said he wants to love like that but doesn't think he's capable of it. I told him I'm not going anywhere and I know a lot of shady things from his past but his past doesn't determine his future. He held me close and i told him I would pray for him because I didn't know what else to do. He fell asleep and all I could do was stare at him thinking "How the hell did I get here? Why did I let my emotions get involved with this guy? He means so much to me and he's a big mess." I turned away and cried myself to sleep. The next night he showed up at my door again. I let him in. He stayed again (nothing happened), except this time when he fell asleep I heard him say "I love you, Candace". I wish I could have felt happier about this, but it really scared the hell out of me. I don't know what to do anymore. New Yrs= he spent at the bar w/o me because I'm not 21 yet, but said he really wished I was so I could come. At this point I have no idea wtf is going on.